Last night while feeding Cooper I started to read a book called I Hate It When Exercise Is The Answer, it is a fitness program for the soul book. The first exercise was about releasing pressure. She used an example of opening soda too fast and creating a messy explosion, or opening it slowly and releasing some of the soda bubbles a little at a time to avoid the big mess. The past week I have been so frustrated that at times I full on explode!
Being a mom thus far has been overwhelming at times, and instead of getting easier, it seems to get harder. Week one I was so excited and loved to just hold and stare at our little Cooper. But by the end of the week I had a major breakdown. Why wouldn't he eat? Why was he crying? Why was breastfeeding so hard? What to I do? I can't do this!!! After hours of crying, some answers to prayers and some wonderful friends my confidence was back and my mom came the next day. Week two was great, Cooper was sleeping, I was sleeping, we had both caught on to feeding and I felt like this was something I could handle once my mom left, I had this mom thing under control. But week three has been the most trying. The breakdowns come on more frequently and I found myself just trying to get through the day so it would be over and he would be that much closer to two months- which I hear is when they get easier but I don't believe it anymore.
While reading last night I realized that having a baby is going to be all sorts of hard times, if its not the feeding its the sleeping or the teething or whatever else there might be. I felt like I was beginning to waste my days wallowing in frustrations and numbing myself in front of the t.v and waiting for this hard stage to just be over with. But I don't want this stage to be over! I wouldn't mind if during this stage Cooper decided to sleep for longer than an hour at a time, but I didn't want to keep letting the frustations build up to explosions day after day without enjoying the precious times.
I am trying to relax, to be okay letting him cry so I can eat or go to the bathroom or go in another room and scream a little. I am trying to laugh more and enjoy the moments when he makes a face like this
Or when he falls asleep in my lap like this
So here is to week four... and hopefully no explosions!
6 years ago
13 comments:
Oh Linds. I am so sorry. I know that it is so frustrating sometimes especially at first when they can't tell you what they need. You are good to look to the moments of joy and let those help you get through the hard times. One of my favorite talks that helps me keep perspective when I have days like that is called "Daughters of God" by Elder Ballard. Please call me if you are having a bad day and just need someone to vent to or whatever.
You have perfectly described my emotions for the first 7 weeks. One day I would feel like supermom and then the next I totally lose it and just sob, "I'm not cut out for this!" But now that Maren is 9 weeks old I can tell you it REALLY DOES get easier. I didn't believe it either -- I thought that the rest of my life life would be one interminable round of 2 hours on, 2 hours off. But now she smiles back at me and coos and it is a huge payback.
Good for you for taking the time to bask in the warmth of a snuggly newborn. Those highs help get through the lows while the roller coaster speeds up...and then in a few weeks slows down. Hang in there!
Oh girl, I felt the same way. While it can always be something,the beginning is the hardest (well until teenagers. The lack of sleep leaves you without your normal coping skills. Enjoy your baby, but know the good times are yet to come!
-Rachel
I'm so sorry you're feeling frustrated. But let me be another one to tell you that it does get easier. Cooper may not get easier, but you will figure out how to handle that. I say that because Jens is now 4 and i still find myself saying "Oh when he's 5 and in school....it will get easier". Like you said the challenge will change. But there is hope and end in sight. You will feel comfortable and happy as a mommy soon. Hang in there. Just know the direct route to your laundry room and go as often as you need. :)
Linds, you will make it! You are so creative and capable and strong. Even when you don't feel that way, those qualities are there! I love, love that sweet picture of Cooper asleep on your lap.
hey - wondered why i haven't heard from you - call me ANYTIME - and after next week you can really call me anytime, including in the night when you are up since i will be awake and it will be mid-daY! I have had a really hard week last week too, and have MANY a breakdowns, and i have an 18 month old (not that he was the cause of any of it....ok, only a small minor cause) so anyways - call me!
YOu've got the right attitude! Yes, it is hard, but even more wonderful. I know it's a huge transition, but you're getting the hang of it. And yes, unfortunately, every stage has its' challenges! But look at that sweet little faces!! I can tell he likes snuggling with his mama!
Hang in there sister! You are doing fabulously. :) Each stage brings its challenges and blessings. And I know the days are moving slowly now, but the time really does fly by and you will soon be looking back and wishing Cooper was still this age. Ooh, that sounds so cliche! It is true though.... Good luck Lindsey! You can do it!
Oh boy. It is so hard at the beginning. I know. Nicholas was the WORST at breastfeeding and I would get so frustrated and we'd both just cry and cry. Week three was definitely the hardest for me-things should start looking up for you soon!
And really, it does get SO much easier! At about 3 months you start to feel like you can be normal again-the fog starts to lift, and then after that it just gets easier and easier-I promise!
Just keep enjoying the small things and remember that it gets both easier and more fun as they grow!
You look so good! I hope I look that good after I have my baby - although right now it's hard for me to imagine not being pregnant at all - or being anywhere close to a normal size.
You hit on the nail! Being a mom IS so hard! I now look at the moms with 5 kids in total awe- how is even possible to function?!!! I echo the sentiment that it gets easier with time. Both you and Cooper have to adjust to this new way of life. Remember that it's probably just as hard for him as it is for you! I know it seems like an eternity away, but soon he will be laughing and crawling and walking and you'll be crying because he's not a newborn anymore like I did yesterday! :)
Oh Linds! I love you so much!! I wanted to cry reading that because I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! Now can you understand why I spent the first year of Josh's life in a deep depression?! (ok other issues go into that as well...) but it is hard. No one can ever prepare you. I remember just trying to make it to the next hour and everyone telling me to give it a month! I was like, um I am not gonna make it a month! But i did and of course you will too. I know everyone says this but anytme you need to chat and vent I am totally here and you can call me. I know you probably wont but just so ya know! Love ya lots and your kiddo is adorable. Looks a lot like you!
I totally understand Linds! I sometimes look back at those first couple of months with Esther and they seem a blur because of the frustration and down times but I also remember those precious moments too with the faces and the time to just hold her and cuddle. I totally want to come see you next week!! Would that work out for you? When????? Let me know! Love ya! Mindy
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